Wednesday, June 27, 2012


We fought, long & hard enough.

And just because I let you go, doesn't mean you no longer mean that you don't mean anything to me anymore.
You do. So much.
More than anything or anybody else.
But I guess, along the way, we got way too comfortable with each other. 
Along the way, we just stopped trying.

We stopped sharing, stopped talking.
We no longer had proper conversations.

Maybe, it's just me.
I got frustrated most of the time.
I expected. Too much.

I lost myself trying to get to you.
I guess, I lost you too.

Now, here we are, standing at crossroads thinking if we should give up on this or not.
Thinking if all we had was worth the pain.

But, this is it.
I'm done.

I'm tired.
Tired of all the sleepless nights,
tired of the insecurities.

I tried.
Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't good enough for you.
I couldn't make you smile, couldn't make you happy.

They say, "if you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, you were meant to be."
Right now, here I am, setting you free.

Till we meet again.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I clench my fist as I try to suppress all those feelings inside. 
I put the biggest smile on my face and laugh as loudly as I can, just hoping these emotions would go away.
They don't.
Slowly, they eat me inside & out.

Losing grip.
Losing control.
It's like... it hurts so bad you wanna cry, but nothing comes out. That ache in your chest that is impossible to describe & no matter how much physical damage you do to yourself... it still hurts.
Friday, June 22, 2012

Just like everyone else

Monday, June 18, 2012
All I ever wanted you to do was feel this feeling. Be this way. Exhale the sky. All you ever did was feel different. Be away. Wash your hands with air. All I love is a feeling. I still feel this way. I cannot breathe. I still forget there’s air out there. I still forget how white hot everything was. I still forget myself. There’s nothing wrong with this. There’s nothing true about this. There’s nothing. You were once everything I felt. You were once everything. You were, once. And if love moves like air, then teach me how to dig my nails into the palm of my hand so I can remember what you once felt like.
"If you can’t let go, you can’t put your heart back in your chest."
"In this room. With the curtains drawn. With the lights on. The sun shining outside. This is where you hurt the most."


What happened?
"Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, and your reputation is only what people think of you."

Just, believe.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it
Someday, I will make it

#The secret

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Been to Kkokkonara so many times but I've never tried their chicken wings. 
Finally gave it a try & it is really pretty good! 

Absolutely love simple days like this.

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Been so long since I had sushi for supper! 

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I was preparing to head to bed when JE called,
"Hello, I'm coming to pick you now"

Was prepared within 15 mins, could hardly even catch my breath.

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Crystal Jade

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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Beneath this mask - DC Martin

Of all the masks I've worn before, 
The mask of sorrow I've worn much more,

You beg to know of me what's real, 
but what's underneath I dare not reveal,

If not for hiding behind this guise,
I think you might think otherwise,

Without you near me and without you to guide, 
a lost soul behind this mask doth hide.

For each time I have shown my face, the one you see, 
once this mask is raised, 

Lamentations are heard, screamed far and wide, 

so forever beneath this mask I'll hide.

Alone - Taylor

Hearts are forsaking,
My heart's for the taking,
Even though my heart is breaking.

The rose that is crying,
Is already dying,
The Gardner cut, instead of buying.
And heart's will surrender,
Cuz no one's a mender,
Don't need your love, return to sender.

And good hearts will cry,
And my heart will die,
No need for concern, everyone lies.
And the good will go bad,
Can't have what we had,
So let it all go, don't be mad.
Cuz the heart won't care,
It's been laid bare,
Soon you will see, every tear.

They'll cry no more,
Hearts rot from the core,
You won't be let in, they've shut the door.
And you'll be alone,
Cuz they're made of stone,
And no one will help, or hear you groan.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
How is it even possible to feel so worthless?

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What's the point?

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Friday, June 8, 2012


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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Beef bowl w/ veg

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In my head, I'm building castles in the sky.
And instead of studying...
 Here I am at 6:31 AM, oogling at pix of hellokitty bouquets....
(In case you're interested, you can learn to d.i.y them here!)
Ok. Back to work now.
Wish me luck for my papers later on!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Good morning ~!

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Because no one deserves to feel upset

No matter how much I disagree with what you do,
y'knw I'll always have your back.

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Crystal Jade @ 3AM!

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Saturday, June 2, 2012
I literally felt my heart sink when I finally made up my mind to walk out of that room once and for all.
I've never felt so certain about leaving.
But that, was the last straw.

Only reason I held on was becos I used to be happy going to work.
Work was probably the only time I really felt happy. It used to feel... like a family.
Right now, what's become of it?

Everyone used to seem so happy, and everyone always seemed have each others backs.
For the past couple of weeks, all I saw was everyone getting so stressed up over everything.

I always had this in my head, "We grow as a family"
Well, it doesn't mean shit now. It just doesn't feel like one. Not anymore.

So many things have changed, so many people have came & gone.
Maybe, just maybe, change is for the better. And need I remind myself that change is only constant?
Then again, what good is change if it makes everyone unhappy?
What's the point of asking for our opinions when you don't plan on doing anything/ no compromise is done?

There are so many things I want to say out here, but I guess it's pretty confidential?

I know everyone has their own problems. In or out of work, and I'm not one to judge.
Still, certain things should & shouldn't be said. Jokes, should only be made at the right time.

I've to admit that I have honestly never felt so upset leaving a job :'(

How long has it been since I ranted like this?