No matter what it takes or how my heart breaks

Ever had that feeling that no matter how much you try to describe, it's just impossible to put it into words? The feeling when you just want to do absolutely nothing at all. You don't want to talk or move or sleep. You just want to be still. *STONE*

I've been staring at this blank screen since I got home. Replaying the scenes of almost everything we've been through, happy or sad, in my head. Should I cry or should I laugh, I wonder to myself. So overwhelmed by all these mixed emotions inside of me. 

I stood still as I watched you walk closer. I didn't know how to react. Mumbled afew words to myself before making a step forward. I glanced at you, you were smiling. My mood instantly felt lighted up. I wanted to run over and hug you, so badly. "BUT I SCARED YOU MUAY THAI KICK ME SINCE YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GYMMING EVERYDAY :(" Then I remembered, I screwed up. I couldn't bear to face you, I just didn't know how to. 

You sat in front of me. It made me feel so nervous, the butterflies in my tummy. I recalled how I fell for you years back. You were smiling again, as usual *AWWWWW HEARTMELT* Suddenly, it struck me that I haven't been able to make you smile in awhile. A really long while. The conversations where I'd tell you jokes & I'd ask you to "At least pretend to laugh" cos my jokes weren't funny, those times we'd walk back from town all the way home, those playful dates we used to have, where did they all go to? 

With all those thoughts running in my mind, we exchanged glances and smiled. It was that moment, that I decided no matter how hard it's gonna be or what I have to do, I will fight for you. "AND FIGHT WITH YOU HEHE :3"

Why did I ever want to give up on something so beautiful? 
*Stabs self* WTF WAS I THINKING
I used to blame you; for not having enough time for me, for not caring enough for me, for not being understanding enough. But I guess, I finally understood & experienced the meaning of "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"
"STILL DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH ME OR CARE FOR ME, HMPH!!! :(:(:("

This time, I'm not letting you go. Not again.

At least... not until you say so.