Split the bill, share the fault

If truly we are sorry.
We wash our hearts clean
And try to remember 
The first time we looked into each other’s eyes.

If truly we are forgiving.
We pluck the angry seed from our hearts
And toss them onto infertile land;
Home to only enemies and hostile relations.

If truly we are tired.
We help each other up
And take turns to carry each other’s burdens.
I will still stop to wipe the sweat off your brows.

If truly we are in love.
We are sorry, forgiving, helpful
And never forget the times
When we used to say so.

If truly we are in love.
We do not act like we are not.
Even when we let down or disappoint,
Or even when we are hurt and cry.

We train ourselves instead.
To fight the demons we once befriended
For the sake of a little easy pleasure.
We beg ourselves instead.
To leash retaliatory gestures 
And look towards the shine that beckons.

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Despite the bad habits, bad timings, bad decisions, bad lies, bad accusations, bad verbal abuses, bad gossiping, bad vengeance, bad impulsiveness, bad selfishness. Some things never change.

Love has turned us both schizophrenic. We love with hateful ways. We hate with lovely intentions. It is a frightening world to be in. Look where love has brought us. Look at how love has made us mean and hurtful. I think we have understood love the wrong way. Somewhere along we forgot what it really means to be in love with each other. At the end of the day I haven’t forgotten the you whom I first met. The things you did to hurt me were probably a result of the things I did to hurt you. And the same goes vice versa. It’s a dead knot, this vicious cycle, and the source is impossible to find. Shall we forget about finding. Let’s cut the knot and try again.    

Nothing has changed inside. I still love you. 

x