2013

2013 is finally coming to an end and boy, am I glad.

2013 has been such a heartwrenching year, filled with so many heartbreaks & disappointments.

So many wrong decisions that ended up in regrets.

Right now, I just want to focus on the next chapter of my life with my little A who is just a couple of days old but has already brought me so much joy :')

Welcoming 2014 with open arms
Cheers to a better year, x

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one"

Slowly but surely

Super happy because the tubes & drips have finally been removed from beebee today! She's able to eat normally now. Not too much though, since the paediatrician is afraid her little tummy might not be able to take it. She is also still on her meds. Slowly but surely, I'm certain my little angel is gonna get well in no time! :)

Hush little baby don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright.

Finally have the time to sit down and have a little time of my own, 6 minutes to be exact, before I have to start pumping milk again.

If you don't already know, I finally gave birth to my baby girl on boxing day (26 Dec)! 

Peek-a-boo!

Welcoming my little Angel to the world ~

*Bloop bloop*

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However, happiness is only shortlived. 

 In the wee hours of the morning we were supposed to be discharged, nurses suddenly came checking on me but little A didn't come. (They usually bring her to me every two hours for me to breastfeed her) I finally had the chance to get some rest after 2 days so I didn't put much thought into it. 

At 7AM her paediatrician came to update me on her, like every other morning, but this time it was different. She was flustered. I couldn't catch much of what she said except that "We couldn't wait anymore, so we sent her to the NICU straight". That was when I realized something was really wrong. I immediately sat up and asked her what was wrong, she didn't know either except that my little one was puking & pooing blood and we'd have to wait for the surgeon to come. I was lost.

I always thought a worst nightmare of a mum was to lose her figure, to get stretchmarks, etc. But it really struck me that nothing mattered more to me than my little girl. There was nothing I could do but wait. I couldn't eat or sleep much that entire day. 

{BRB. Gta pump the engorging boobies now. FML they hurt so bad?!}

Back.

Not going to go into details of everything, but thank you for those who has kept her in your prayers. Though she's still in the NICU she is currently recovering well :) 

Little A going strong *flex muscles*

3 days old!!! The first time she held my finger!!! 

Still pretty smiley even when she's unwell. G'awwwww~ 

"MUMMY WILL YOU STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME?! :@"

Please continue staying strong!!! :*

Can't wait to head to the hospital to see my little one tmr morning. G'night for another 2 hours before I gta wake up to pump again. Oh well *shrugs*

Mucous plug

Bled this afternoon & was abt to head to the hospital straight, but called my gynae and he told me to wait till I started having contractions which should take a couple of hours. It's already 1am now and I only have slight cramps. Super anxious! Am I overreacting?!?!

Nervous

So anyway... the little one decided not to come out yesterday. But today, I started feeling very bad cramps in the middle of the night again. It's like she's giving me all these false hope, I've absolutely no idea what I should expect and it's making me nervous as hell??? 

39 weeks: Mini update

Been feeling cramps the past couple of days, which I'm guessing are braxton hicks?

Was feeling so bad at around 5AM this morning cos the cramps got pretty bad but I still managed to fall asleep.
Woke up again at around 8AM and thought that was it. That I was gonna deliver. Decided to call my gynae to ask if I'm gonna deliver but the nurses told me to wait till the pain gets too much to handle. Read up online and most people say you're only gonna deliver when the contractions get so bad that you can't even talk or breathe. Went back to sleep and woke up feeling so much better.

Am starting to get really anxious since gynae says she should be out anytime. I have no idea what to expect. Crossing my fingers hoping that little one will give me a smooth delivery.

Wish me luck!
Till then, x

Reflection

November babies

About two weeks ago, was my 21st birthday. Many of my friends kept asking me how I was gonna celebrate it. I had so many plans at the start of this year, I even researched which hotels I was going to book & everything. Then, came along my little one. Initially I told J, we could just head out to have dinner since I didn't/couldn't do much but when it came nearer to my birthday, my hormones started getting weird & I started to get really bad rashes (due to pregnancy). I felt so horrible I didn't even want to step out of my house. My parents decided to cook me a meal instead. And God, am I thankful cos... THEY COOKED ALL MY FAV DISHES!!!

There was waaaaay much more food than this but everyone was starving so I didn't manage to capture everything.

Butter crab!!! One of my TOP fav dishes everrrrrrrr!!! If you follow me on instagram you'd already have seen this. If you haven't, follow me on instagram @xoangeline for on-the-go updates! I haven't been updating much since I haven't exactly been going out alot/ taking alot of pictures BUT rest assured I'll continue posting frequently once the little one is out. (Counting down to approx two weeks!)

Also, a couple of days after that was my younger brother's birthday & we decided to have steamboat. My younger brother is easily contented as long as there's food so it's pretty easy to satisfy him.

1/3 of the food we had that day. SUPA NOMZ!!!

Though I didn't have a huge celebration like most people on my 21st, I'm more than contented :)

Also, thank you to all those who offered to come over but I refused becos I didn't want anyone to see me in that horrible rashes-filled state. Thank you to those who wished & thank you who those who bought me presents and red packets! Tee hee ^^

Week 37

I can't believe it's in another 2 weeks. Can't decide if I'm more nervous or excited. Really can't wait to see how the little one looks like but at the same time I'm totally freakin' out since my tolerance for pain is pretty damn low.

Wish me luck!

P/s, Apologize for the string of wordy & boring posts lately. Life's pretty mundane & I haven't exactly been going out much since I'm really clumsy and have to be extremely careful this period of time.

Trust

What do you do when someone breaks your trust?
Once or twice, I'd be sure to forgive without a doubt.
But what if your trust has been broken, over & over again uncountable times?
Do you trust them again? Or?

Dilemma. 

Decisions

As much as I hate to admit, the past week hasn't been really well for me.

I've been stuck in a situation where I have absolutely no idea what I should do, or say. 

I spent all the time I had, every waking hour, thinking of what would be the best decision
but to be honest, I'm still so confused.

I never imagined in my entire life that I'd have to go through this, since I always thought I was lucky,
but I did.

Life's so unpredictable sometimes.

A couple of days ago, I was so stern & firm with my decision
but right now, I'm stuck in a position where I don't know what I want or what I think is right.

Forgiving is easy. Forgetting on the other hand... ...